Hope, faith & love - The moment when I truly understand why these three things must remain

My marriage fell apart after 17 years..  The time between the separation and post divorce was one of the darkest time in my life.  I can vividly remembered every time I opened my eyes after a restless sleep I would literally see the cloud of depression hanging over my head. Just to take a shower was like a big chore.  I was downed, depressed, distressed and disappointed.  I would lock myself in my room and cried my eyes out, then wiped my tears, forced a smile and attended to the well being of my sons.  I could not let them see I was hurting, I had to be strong for them, to put on a front as I was told that they will be okay if they think that I am all-right.  I looked forward to the end of each day and dreaded waking up in the morning.  This was the cycle of my life for many months.

One particular day I was feeling very hopeless.  I had tried to remain strong for too long, I had forgiven, I have read articles and completed several sessions with a counsellor but there was a strong feeling of hopelessness.  I looked at myself in the mirror, gazed at my loose skin and stretch marks and wondered who  on earth would ever want me.  The thought of being alone for the rest of my life, anxiety about my finances and questions about my ability to be a single mother and raise two boys in North America attacked my mind.  Hope was quickly slipping away.

Hope, in the dictionary, is defined as " feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen."  The Bible defined hope as "A confident expectation and desire for something good in the future."  The truth is, you need hope to move from today to tomorrow, life doesn't make any sense if you have no good expectations.  Now faith is "the confidence that we shall receive the things for which we hope."  

Therefore, without hope, you really don't need faith. Hope is what mobilize faith.  There are over 20 verses in the Bible that encourages us about not losing hope. I have quoted some of these scriptures at various times in my life when I was believing for a new car, a job or money etc.  However, it was not until I was facing this very dark time that I truly understand how important it is to have hope. Without hope you have no reason to fight for your life and if you are not fighting you don't need to have faith.  

I bawled out to God to give me renewed hope and to give me faith to see beyond my present situation. The best description of love is found in First Corinthians 13.  This scripture gave me the tools to get my hope back. I started to apply the principles of love in my life. I choose to suffer long, to be kind and gentle, to not be easily angered, to keep no records of wrongs and to not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. 

My dark situation has really cause me to have a deeper understanding of why these three things must remain in our lives - hope, faith and love.  There is no true living without them, let them remain in you no matter how bad things are as it is these three things, hope, faith and love that will get you through the dark times.  






ys protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Blaming God for the action of man

At age 24 right after I completed my studies at College I met at very nice guy in church.  The friendship developed quickly and soon after we were talking about getting married.  I knew at the time that this would be a life long commitment and wanted to make sure I was making the right decision so I decided to sought the Lord.

Like Gideon, I asked God for a physical sign.  I remembered praying in my mind as I didn't want to say it out loudly fearing the devil would manipulate the outcome (Back then,I was naive in my thinking).  I prayed "Lord, if this is the man I am suppose to marry, please let him wear this particular shirt (I described the shirt to God that I saw my fiance' wore one time before).  We were suppose to go out for dinner that evening and low and behold he showed up in the said shirt.

Believing this is the confirmation, we got married and was told by our guest that it was one of the most beautiful ceremony they have ever attended.  One person even told me that they could see in the spirit, while my husband and I took the communion, our spirit joining as one. As time passed our marriage flourish,  we had two wonderful sons and became financially successful. We were a poster family.

In the twelve year of our marriage, things between my husband and I turned for the worst and due to infidelity we eventually got divorced.  I was so angry with God.  I could not understand why He would let this happened to me after I believe I received His approval to marry this person.  The pain of divorce was like none I had experienced, not even when my mother died I felt this much hurt and pain.  During my life I have always find comfort and strength in God to get me through some very bad situations but now I am angry with God so I could not bring myself to find comfort in Him.

As my pain intensified, my anger grew as I could never understand why God would let this happen to me.  I remembered once while I was having these thoughts and emotions I heard in my spirit a still voice that says "God did not break His vows to you, do not blame God for the action of your husband.  Your husband broke his vows and covenant, your husband is the one who didn't keep his promises."  The voice continued to explain that my husband walked away from God and because of free will God allowed him to do so. I now understand that I in the same manner, no matter how painful, will have to let my husband exercise his free will to walk away from me.

The truth is when there is a motor vehicle accident even fatal ones, you rarely hear anyone blame the manufacturer of the vehicle for the fault of the accident.  The blame is placed on the driver who is at fault.  Then why do we blame God the Creator for what men (creation) do.  God has given us free will and sadly the choices of others will sometimes affect us.  With this revelation I let go off my anger towards God and began to trust Him to help me to get through the situation.  He has proven to be faithful even in my faithlessness and kept His promise to give me peace in my trials.  Trust God to do the same in your situation. He will do it simply for His name sake.

Christians are human beings too

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Over and over we are told that the joy of the Lord is our strength.  We in the church were also led to believe that if you truly have faith then you would not feel sad.  After all, you can sing and dance away your troubles.  I remembered being around a particular group of church folks who were taught that they should speak things as though they were.  As a result persons would actually feel sick but would say I am doing great and so forth.  While I believe that the joy of the Lord truly is our strength and one should have faith, I also believe that denying what you are feeling is not healthy or helping.

One should be able to admit to self and others that I am hurting, I am not feeling well, I am struggling in an area. Change can only come when one acknowledges the problem and admit that they need help.  I do believe that some problems will be solved miraculously but most times it takes a process to resolve an issue. The process may include counselling and therapy. Going through the process is the best way to learn from struggles and build character.

There are many examples in the Bible of great men of God who became depress at one time or the other.  David, Elijah, Solomon and Job are a few examples.  They cried out to the Lord but also admitted to what they were feeling.  God sent the right help for each of them in due seasons.  God wants to help you in your struggle but you have to admit it to Him, God already knows but like what Jesus said to the lame man at the pool of Bethseda "Do you want to be made well?'